In news that will absolutely shock no one who has ever worked in a corporate office, a brand new survey has confirmed what many of us have been quietly dreading: the suits upstairs are not just open to replacing workers with AI - they are practically giddy about it.

According to reporting by Mashable, the survey found that a staggering 99% of executives say they are prepared to reduce their workforces in the next two years as part of their AI adoption strategies. Not 60%. Not 75%. Ninety-nine percent. The one remaining percent presumably just had a bad Wi-Fi connection during the poll.

"Uncertainty" is corporate for "we're doing it anyway"

Here's the fun twist: these executives are not even pretending they have it all figured out. The survey notes that leaders are leaning hard into AI despite significant uncertainty about how it will all shake out. Which is a very polished way of saying they are strapping into a rollercoaster they helped build, with no idea where the tracks end, while the rest of us are standing at the bottom.

To be fair, this is not entirely new behavior. Corporations have always chased efficiency gains - whether through outsourcing, automation, or ruthless quarterly reviews. AI is just the newest, shiniest hammer. The difference this time is the speed. And the scale. And the fact that it can write your performance review and replace you in the same afternoon.

What this actually means for the rest of us

The honest answer is: nobody fully knows yet, and that includes the executives signing off on these plans. Some roles will disappear. Others will transform. New ones will probably emerge - though try paying rent with "emerging opportunities."

What the survey does make clear is that the window for burying your head in the sand is closing fast. If 99% of the people with budget authority are actively planning workforce reductions tied to AI, that is less of a warning sign and more of a flashing neon billboard.

The question worth asking - loudly, repeatedly, to anyone who will listen - is not just how many jobs will be affected, but who gets to decide how that transition happens, and whether workers get any say in it at all. Spoiler: historically, that answer has not been great.

But hey, at least the earnings calls are going to look fantastic.