"You look amazing today!" "Don't worry, the guys will handle the heavy lifting on this pitch." "She's so nurturing - she'd be perfect for the wellness committee." These comments land softly. They often come from colleagues who genuinely like you. And that's precisely what makes them so hard to push back against.
Benevolent sexism - the kind that hides behind chivalry, warmth, and good intentions - is one of the most under-addressed dynamics in modern workplaces, according to a recent piece in Fast Company. Unlike overt harassment, it doesn't announce itself with hostility. It shows up dressed as a compliment, a favour, or a well-meaning observation.
Why the "nice" kind still does damage
The problem with benevolent sexism is that it still operates on the same underlying assumption as its more aggressive counterpart: that women are fundamentally different in ways that limit their roles, capabilities, or ambitions. Being steered toward pastoral, people-focused tasks because you seem "nurturing" isn't a compliment about your skills - it's a ceiling dressed up in kind words.
Over time, these small moments compound. They shape which projects you get assigned, which rooms you're invited into, and how seriously your ideas land. The fact that nobody intended any harm makes it harder to name, harder to address, and honestly, harder to shake off emotionally.
How to respond without the awkwardness spiral
Calling it out doesn't have to mean starting a conflict. One effective approach is to simply redirect the framing - if someone assumes you'll take notes because you're "so organised," you can cheerfully decline and suggest rotating the responsibility. Naming what you noticed, without accusation, can also open a real conversation: "I notice I tend to get flagged for the softer projects - I'd love to take on something more strategic."
The goal isn't to make the other person feel terrible. It's to interrupt the pattern - for yourself and for whoever comes after you.
The bigger picture
Awareness is the first move. If you start noticing these moments in your own workplace - who gets assigned what, who gets complimented on their appearance versus their thinking, whose ideas get attributed to someone else minutes later - you'll quickly realise how routine it all is.
That normalcy is worth questioning. Not with a megaphone, but with a quiet, steady refusal to let the soft stuff slide.
